We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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