thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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