Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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