whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
