I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
