i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
