so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
