she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
