too bad you live with your parents still
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
