Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
