i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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