You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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