New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what day is it and did you see me today?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
