I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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