No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My balls are so social today.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
