You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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