some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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