How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
