All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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