The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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