he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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