theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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