shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize