What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
