I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
