I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
