I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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