My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
