tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
