No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
