Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
