i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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