who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize