I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize