OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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