That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
