Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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