I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pooping to opera.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize