Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
