Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
only if we run a train.
done.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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