Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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