he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
