i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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