I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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