the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
