Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
