I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish my penis had a tongue
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
