pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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