she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
