So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
