I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
