Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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