It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
