I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
