If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
