some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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