i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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