The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need to stop coming to work sober
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
