go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Randomize
