note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
