Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
