Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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