Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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