Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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