when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
