Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
