i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
