I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
