Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
