I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
